Torres de Fawlty: if Basil had been Spanish

Watching Fawlty Towers on DVD had us wondering what some of the classic phrases would be in Spanish. After all, most of us have had a car break down or impersonated someone else by wearing a wig and sunglasses.

When the programme was exported to Spain, Manuel – Soy de Barcelona – became Italian (Paolo) and in France he stayed as Manuel, but became Mexican.

In one scene, Basil points to two breakfast trays that Manuel is carrying and says, slowly: “There is too much butter on…those…trays.” Manuel replies: “No señor, it is uno…dos…tres.” (We can’t comment as many of our past attempts at speaking Spanish have not gone to plan.)

So, here goes – what a Spanish Basil might have said (as ever, please correct us if we’ve got it wrong).

1. ¿Tienes ratas en España, no? – You have rats in Spain, don’t you?

2. Por favor, tratar de entender antes de que uno de nosotros muere – Please try to understand before one of us dies

3. ¿Es este un pedazo de tu cerebro? – Is this a piece of your brain?

4. Voy a darle una paliza buena – I am going to give you a (damn) good thrashing

5) ¿Podría hacerme una ensalada Waldorf? – Could you make me a Waldorf salad? (OK, it wasn’t Basil who said this…).

6) Mi dios, es/eres feo – My god, you’re ugly

7) Si el cliente no está cantando ‘Oh, qué hermosa mañana’, no me piensa inmediatamente: ‘Oh no es otro que había muerto en la noche – If the guest isn’t singing ‘Oh, What A Beautiful Morning’, I don’t immediately think: ‘Oh there’s another snuffed it in the night’

8) En un momento, mi pequeño pez piraña – In a moment, my little pirahna fish

9) Puede desenroscar el tapón como Robert Carrier – He can unscrew the cap like Robert Carrier

10) Siempre me recuerda a alguien ametrallando una foca – Always reminds me of someone machine-gunning a seal

That’s it. We have some kippers to cook.

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