Forums about Spain are numerous and brilliant. Hats off to the people who contribute to them with advice about car hire, mind-boggling tax rules – and which beaches are the best for snorkelling.
However, some of the post titles can be a little confusing – or intriguing. Here’s a list of genuine ones and [our bit of fun].
– Jerez Gestor [not a prog rock band]
– Introducing [someone at a party whose name you’ve forgotten?]
– Old Chestnut Estate Agent you can trust [finding a home for a squirrel]
– Luque or Dona Mencia {have no idea what this is about]
– Who broke the clouds? [good title for a song that has pan pipes and a mandolin on it]
– Campo babe [Iceland’s entry in Eurovision Song Contest]
– Room on van [strapping your whole bedroom on top of a Ford Transit]
– Help! [a not so helpful description of thread…Beatles?]
– I’m new [Poppy, 7lbs, mother and child doing fine]
– Advice needed [getting red wine stains out of a carpet? Juggling?]
– Another demolition planned [oh dear, make sure you’re out shopping that day]
– Flying the cat to Spain [oh, definitely read that one]
– Getting a cat back to the UK [this one too…]
– Advice for my mum please [yes, definitely the blue dress]
– Warm horizons [we all like a warm horizon]
– Problem with stains [and we all have problems with stains]
– Have you got the ‘S’ factor? [sunburn, scary gaze?]
– A word of thanks [thanks]
– ¿Best and Worst? [do you need the first upside-down question mark¿]
– anyone ever POSTED ciggerettes (sic)? [if that’s illegal, we’re going straight to the Old Bill]
– Bonsai Museum [tickets going for a tenth of face value)
– Fleas [there’s a museum near Alicante of one playing a violin…or is it an ant?]
– Smokey Fireplace [a hot 70s pop band]
– Rusty Water [famous Country & Western singer]
– Lap Trays??? [do people still use these?]
– Brussels Sprouts [is it really worth trying to have a traditional Christmas lunch in Spain? Oh, OK]
– Getting a phone [you know, those phoney shops…]
– What a disgrace! [down with this sort of thing!]
– Finding my roots [they’ll be under the patio]
– Digging Fork [no good, they’ll find the body]
– Taking dog to Gibraltar [we’ve told you already, a dog and a Barbary macaque won’t get on]
– Good news! [soufflé came out OK?]
– Mosquitos – a bad year? [we warned them not to buy those shares]
– Furious and so grateful [did you write that thank you letter in RED INK?]
– What happens if? [insert response here]
– More DIY advice needed [look, it’s easy – take the screwdriver and then..oh, doesn’t matter]
– Spanish conversation groups [couldn’t understand the directions to bar]
– Bee-eaters
– Superfloss
– Tarantulas [that’s it, we’re not going]
con jamón spain 
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